A.A.

From the title of this blog you may be deceived into thinking that I have become dependent on the hard stuff and have been attending local meetings but this abbreviation is slightly more disturbing - at least in my world but we will get onto that.

Ok....so we met this guy. Actually let's start at the beginning - my friend Emma (the other single one who will be providing material for this blog) works in the entertainment industry. She invited me to one of her work do's. It was nothing too serious, just a night of cabaret (they had hired a comedy singer for the evening) above a pub near where we both live. Just a sort of social get-together after work - you know the ones that they always say are morale-boosting or some such rubbish. Just before the singer was due to go on, Emma introduced me to a consultant who sometimes works for her agency, on an as-and-when basis. He seemed nice enough and very polite but I do remember thinking that he had a small face and titchy hands, not that that is of any relevance - just odd! In the interval, she shared some interesting information with me. She also told me that the reason she hadn't shared it before was shock. I think she was unable to take it immediately on board and so if she told no-one maybe it could be like it never happened. She has known said gentleman, let's call him AA, for six months and they had been involved in a brief fling, which broke down to a couple of dates and a couple of nights of action. Maybe a couple is a little misleading...maybe half a dozen...anyway, the nights of action were like nothing she had experienced before and not in a good way. They had started innocuously enough, movie, drinks, dinner and after a few of these post-work meetings the suggestion of a coffee back at his. The first time they slept together was normal enough though AA was quite obsessed with Emma's ass and seemed generally quite enamoured with that area. They had regular sex but he did keep trying to slip 'it' up there, which Emma resisted as it was their first night together. In the cold light of morning, it didn't seem like anything she should worry too much about and they arranged to meet up again. So the next time whilst they were in the throes of passion he whispers softly in her ear, suggesting she open the cupboard. Emma eyed the closet in the corner, a little worried about what may be in there. She rolled out of bed and padded softly over, opening the door with some trepidation. What was in the cupboard was a (not small) selection of (not small) dildos. Great, you may think but no, no, hold on my friends. These are not for her enjoyment but for his. His next words being and I am paraphrasing and censoring here, that she insert one into his 'chocolate rose'.

Back to the night of the work do, she is telling me all this in the toilets which, owing to the fact that it is a traditional Victorian pub and that we are trying to avoid other users, are cramped and very hot. We are crammed into a corner, my shoulder pressed against the cold, hard, shiny wall, leaning over to avoid blocking the mirror and talking in code just in case anyone else from the office comes in. This conversation was doomed to be repeated many times but I needed more information to make an informed decision/useful suggestions.

All through the second half of the act I couldn't really concentrate on the comedian as I felt my eyes being unconsciously pulled towards the back of AA's jeans as he sat in front of us, occasionally turning round to smile or wink at Emma, a gesture that was always followed by a snap of her head to me, a rolling of her eyes and a smirk from me. It's not that either of us meant to be judgemental but we were unsure of what we were dealing with. AA classes himself as straight but I feel he is heading towards a long vacation in Gayville. The argument that maybe he is just experimental came up but he wasn't experimental about anything else. He liked missionary most of the time, there were no handcuffs or whips evident, he wasn't keen for Emma to dress up. Now, as a good friend I told Emma that she should live and let live and yes although it is unconventional and just plain gay that if she didn't like it, she should just move on (our 'One for the blog!' saying was coined during this phase) but, like a good rebellious blonde, she ignored my sage advice. Now I have spoken to male friends since who seem to think that it is more of a fetish than a gay thing, which is why I feel the need to share, to prepare anyone else who may come across this obviously increasing trend.

The rest of that evening passed without incident, I was able to drag myself away from contemplating AA's ass and go home as I had a much earlier start than Emma. The next morning I was having a morning mosey through my emails not expecting one from Emma's home account and so therefore I have to admit I was a little shocked when one blinked up and I read, still in code, that there has been a repeat of the tryst with AA after I left the previous evening. (I would just like to clarify that at no point during these encounters did Emma acquiesce to his request). There was further dildo talk that night but Emma feigned shyness and went home in a cab at 3am.

The sex is good but the extra requirements are not, is probably what it boiled down to. When I grilled Emma the following week she told me that she was wasn't really sure how it had happened, you know, one of those things - they had slept together before so no surprises (I differed with her on that point). She just fancied a bit of action and he was there, he was a good lay and is well-endowed - just like his collection. Anyway, there were further promises that it wouldn't happen again, both on the phone and via email through the week but once again Emma went back on her word. She saw him yet again, against my advice but what was said that time would be the dildo that broke the prostitute's back. Things had been going normally enough, there had been copious amounts of snogging and between all the tongue action Emma had almost forgotten what lurked in his closet in the next room as they lay spooning on the couch but the next sweet nothing that he whispered in her ear would change Emma's mind forever (thank God!). He suggested that 'they', yes they, buy a strap-on. Not only had Emma never encouraged the whole dildo fantasy but now AA was, in a very warped way, suggesting a future together. Although Emma appreciated the sentiment, she saw then herself that it was over. No matter how nice a guy he was or what he could offer, it just wasn't for her. In her eyes he should be the only one doing the penetrating. She still sees him at work but their relationship is now strictly professional. Ass Action will unfortunately have to find someone else to expand his collection with....